


A Hard Goodbye

by GingerItt



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 21:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerItt/pseuds/GingerItt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt has to say goodbye to someone he never wanted to lose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Hard Goodbye

“We need you to come home.”

Six words. Six words and Kurt felt his entire world come crashing down around him. Finn’s sounded despondent, and Kurt knew that he needed him there to deal with this. And for the first time in his life, he hated how strong he was.

It sounded crazy but he was prepared for something to happen to Burt. Burt had already survived a heart attack, cancer that kept coming back no matter what they did and, as he learned much after the fact, depression after they’d lost his mom. Burt who still ate like a teenager when the cancer was gone and drank cheap beer at home and eighteen year old scotch in DC. It hadn’t mattered how many times they’d all told him that he needed to take care of himself. Burt was Burt and he was set in his ways.

So he wasn’t prepared for it when it wasn’t Burt that Finn was calling about.

It was Carole.

He wasn’t prepared at all.

He thrust the phone into Blaine’s hands and shut himself in the bathroom, climbing into the shower without stripping off his clothes and turned the water up as hot as he could bear. He slid to the floor, letting the water wash away his tears as he replayed every moment of Carole he had.

How he’d awkwardly shoved his dad at her at Back-to-School Night sophomore year because he just didn’t want to deal with him. How beautiful she was after he’d convinced her to let him give her a make over. And how she’d smiled when Burt said that she was already beautiful. Their wedding. The pride on her face when his dad took his oath of office for the first time. Her awe when she stood at the top of the Empire State Building and took in the New York City skyline. Her face when she held Finn’s daughter. The tears in her eyes after Blaine dropped to one knee and asked him to marry him.

“Baby?” Blaine called out, opening the bathroom door and shuffling towards him. “Come on.”

“No,” Kurt cried, wrapping his arms even tighter around his knees.

Blaine reached in and shut the water off, kneeling beside him, petting his wet hair. “I booked the tickets. Our plane leaves in four hours. We have to go.”

“No.”

“Kurt--”

“No, Blaine!” he sobbed, hiding his face away. “They’re keeping her on the machines until we get there and if we don’t go, they won’t take her off them and if they don’t take her off them she won’t d--she can’t le--Blaine, I can’t. I just can’t.”

Blaine slipped around him, pulling him close, not caring about his wet clothing. Kurt clung to him, helpless as he cried out.

“It’s not fair,” he sniffled. “Not to any of us.” It wasn’t. Finn had lost his father before he could even know him; Kurt had lost his mother at an age where all he had left were fleeting memories; Burt had lost his first wife much too soon and had to raise a son on his own. And to lose Carole like this? If Kurt believed in God, he’d be enraged with him.

“I know, baby,” Blaine whispered, his own voice sounding raged. “And I know that it’s a cliche, but life’s not fair. But we can go home and say goodbye. She deserves that, don’t you think?”

Kurt nodded and Blaine helped him out of the shower. The next few hours, he was on autopilot. Blaine made him change out of his wet clothes, they packed, called Santana to come and feed the cats while they were away, sent out emails to their work to let them know they had a family emergency and would be out of town for at least a week. Blaine arranged for a cab to come get them so they wouldn’t have to be on the subway so late at night. They arrived at the airport, made it through security with out Kurt saying a single word to Blaine or anyone. If Blaine hadn’t been gripping his hand so tightly, he might have wandered off.

Blaine deposited him in a seat and went to the coffee shop that was open. He stared dumbly at the TV that was on CNN, not processing any of it. The apocalypse could be starting and he wouldn’t have known. 

“Here,” Blaine said, putting a cup of coffee in his hand as he sat beside him. “They were out of sleeves so be careful.” 

The pain felt good, actually. Well, not good. But it forced him to focus on something other than what he was feeling. And that was welcome. 

“I let Finn know that we’re on our way. We’ll rent a car in Columbus so he doesn’t have to come get us. He’s... He’s not okay, Kurt.”

“Of course he’s not.” He was short with him, rude. He was never rude to Blaine. Not on purpose. “I’m sorry.”

Blaine took his free hand and squeezed it. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” His eyes stung as tears welled up again. Blaine said nothing, just brought his hand to his lips and kissed it.  
“I love you. No matter what. Even when you’re mean to me because of things neither of us can control.”

Kurt gulped. He wasn’t going to cry. He refused to cry in public. “It’s...it’s just so senseless. It makes no sense. She took care of herself. She worked out three times a week. She ate well, didn’t drink much. And now--”

“Now boarding Flight 4857 for Columbus, Ohio. Please have your boarding passes ready,” the speaker squawked. 

Blaine pulled him up and picked up both of their carry-ons. The flight attendant scanned their passes and they boarded the plane. Blaine found their seats, making Kurt take the window and buckled him in before slipping their bags into the overhead compartment.

Kurt was in a daze the entire flight and drive home. He was exhausted already but sleep wouldn’t come. He refused to let Blaine’s hand go for more than a few seconds. It had been a lifeline once before and it was one again.

Blaine pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and went around to make Kurt get out of the rental car. He held his hand out, giving him the choice to stay for a few more minutes but Kurt took it immediately. He wasn’t one to run away from things and he wasn’t about to start now.

“Finn said that they’re bending the rules because of the situation. He and Burt are still with her but Chrissy was tired so Tina took her home.” Kurt nodded silently as Blaine led him inside. The sun was starting to creep up and the hospital was empty but for the night nurses and cleaning staff. A few doctors were milling about, checking on patients and wiping the sleep from their eyes. Blaine checked his phone and pointed down a hallway. “Come on.”

Light came from a room at the end of the hallway and as they approached, a nurse came out. As she passed them, tightening her ponytail and avoiding their eyes, she looked as beat as Kurt felt and it wasn’t until then that he realized that this was Carole’s hospital. She had been a nurse there for almost thirty years, head nurse for the last seven years. This was hard on every person in that building, not just him and his family. 

“Hey, guys,” Finn opened the door and pulled them into a bear hug. He looks physically drained and Kurt has never seen him look so small. “Burt dozed off. He just couldn’t stay awake anymore.”

They went into the room and Kurt had to swallow back a sob so as to not wake his dad. 

Carole was hooked up to multiple machines, all beeping away slowly. Her neck was in a brace and he wanted to rip it off. What was the point? She was never going to get better so why try to help her heal? It was only when he gave her a good look that he realized how lax her face is. All the tension was gone. She looked peaceful, almost like she’s sleeping but Kurt knew she wasn’t. Everything that made her Carole, all the wonderful things, was gone. 

Burt is sitting in a chair beside her, bent over, forehead resting on his arm and holding her hand like his life depended on it. Like her life depended on it.

“When--” Blaine started to ask as Finn sat in a chair on Carole’s other side.

“In the morning, when Tina comes back with Chrissy.” He sighs, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Then it will just be a matter of time.”

Kurt sat silently on a small sofa in the far corner of the room, dragging Blaine with him. Blaine took off his jacket and scarf before helping Kurt with his.

“I don’t understand,” he said quietly, watching the little green line on the heart monitor. “How could this happen?”

Finn swallowed, his eyes closing as he tried to be patient with his brother. “She had a stroke as she was walking up the stairs to put some laundry away. There’s nothing else to understand.”

“What did the doctors say?” Blaine asked as Kurt threaded his fingers with his again.

“That if she had just had the stroke and not fallen down the stairs she would have been okay. She would have needed therapy but the fall is what did it. There’s nothing they can do. She’s gone.” Finn’s voice broke and he cried quietly. Blaine stood up to come comfort him but Finn waved him off. “I’m just glad you guys got here in time.”

“We love her.”

“I know.”

The three men stayed awake, Finn and Blaine talking quietly as Kurt sat frozen watching the line on the heart monitor. Burt awoke after Blaine laughed a little too loudly at Finn’s thousandth retelling of the mailman story.

“Anderson, I swear, you’re like a hyena,” Burt grumbled, sitting up but not releasing Carole’s hand. His eyes met Kurt’s and he sighed, “C’mere, kid.”

Kurt slowly got up, letting Blaine’s fingers slip from his and came to his father. He stood behind him and wrapped his arms around his chest, letting the familiar smell of motor oil and stale coffee comfort him.

“She loved you, you know?” Burt said, kissing his cheek.

“Dad--”

“Both of you. And Sam. She loved her boys.”

“Is Sam coming?” Blaine asked, getting up and rubbing Kurt’s back.

“He’ll be here for the fune--” Finn started.

“Please don’t say that word.” Kurt involuntarily squeezed his dad tighter. “I’m sorry but that word--”

“It’s okay, bro.” Finn nodded and looked back at his mom. “I get it. Believe me, I get it.”

They spend the next few hours talking about nothing and Kurt can barely stand it. His only relief comes when Tina arrives with her and Finn’s three year old daughter, Chrissy. After giving both him and Blaine kisses, the little girl climbed into Finn’s lap without a second thought and looks at her grandmother.

“I miss Gramma,” she said sadly. “She was gonna take me to Ice Spades.”

Tina gave both Kurt and Blaine a hug and Burt a kiss on his head. “Capades, sweetie,” she corrected before perching on the arm of Finn’s chair.

Chrissy watched the monitor just as Kurt had been. She didn’t look much like Carole, just the slightly upturned nose and a soft wave to her dark hair, but her spirit was so like hers. He remembered how excited she had been when he and Blaine had given her a play doctor’s kit last Christmas and she had spent the entire afternoon being shown by Carole how the stethoscope worked and how to check reflexes. They all had tiny bruises on their shins from her little plastic hammer. She was the one to kiss her friends’ boo-boos and the one to invite kids she didn’t know to play with her.

When the doctor arrived Blaine and Tina went to get them all coffee, taking Chrissy with them. He went over the standard procedures, the order the machines would be turned off, the removal of the IV.

“Will she be in pain?” Kurt asked.

“She’s brain dead, son,” Burt said. “She’s already gone.” 

“When will you start?” Finn asked the doctor. His voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

“Noon. It will give you time to say your goodbyes. And, um,” the doctor cleared his throat. “This is highly unorthodox, but some of the staff would like to come and pay their respects as well. Mrs. Hummel--Carole will be missed by all of us.”

“Of course,” Burt replies. The two men shook hands and the doctor left the room.

The rest of the morning was spent in the hallway as many nurses and doctors come through. Some only stay for a few minutes, some stay longer but by ten o’clock they have to start their own goodbyes. Tina went first, with Chrissy. 

Kurt slid to the floor, sitting much like he had in the shower and begins to cry again.

“What are you thinking?” Blaine asked, sitting beside him.

“She won’t be there for our wedding or to meet our kids, Blaine. She won’t take Chrissy to the Ice Capades or teach her how to make those lemon cookies Finn inhales.” He laid his head on Blaine’s shoulder, wiping his nose with his sleeve. He tried to be quiet. As hard as this was for him, it had to be infinitely harder for Finn and his dad. Tina was inside for a while, coming out with Chrissy on her hip and brushing her tears away. He wanted to ask her what she’d said or what Chrissy had said but he knew that it wasn’t any of his business. Setting Chrissy down, she excused herself to go to the ladies’ room. Finn gave her a small hug before she took off. 

“I’ll go,” Blaine whispered, getting to his feet. Kurt didn’t want him to leave his side but Chrissy took his spot beside him.

“I like your dress,” he said to her. It was light blue with pale yellow flowers. It was a little out of place considering what was happening but Chrissy was adorable in it and he wasn’t about to tell a three year old that her fashion choice was inappropriate.

“Gramma got it for me,” she said, smoothing it over her little legs. She snuggled up beside Kurt and that ache he’d been feeling the last few months twinged again. They had decided to wait at least two years before starting Project Baby but lately he had found himself perusing the kids’ clothing at Baby Gap and asking his coworkers if they had new pictures of their babies. Children were the best thing in the world. 

Tina returned and sat beside Chrissy, tugging her into her lap. 

“You okay?” she asked. Kurt had seen her cry enough to know why she’s taken off. 

“No. This whole thing su--is no fun.” 

Tina chuckled, “You can say ‘sucks’. I’ve given up on Finn not saying it. Her pre-school teacher was annoyed though when she said k-c-u-f in class.”

“She said that?” Kurt stared at the angelic child in his sister-in-law’s lap, twirling her mother’s hair around her finger. He couldn’t imagine it but the idea was both shocking and hilarious. “Where’d she learn that word?”

“Where do you think? Her daddy.”

“I dropped a carton of ice cream on my foot. Swearing is allowed then,” Finn defended. Burt chuckled and Kurt had to wonder at how he was handling this so well.

Blaine came out a bit later, his face striped with tears and he went straight for Burt, giving him a hug. Burt patted his back and Kurt saw the strong facade start to crack. He was next to say goodbye and he didn’t want to be. But asking Finn or Burt to go wasn’t fair. He stood up, dusting off his pants and went inside, avoiding all of their eyes.

The door clicked shut behind him and he stood without speaking for a few minutes before he inched closer to her.

“I want to thank you,” he began, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking her hand in his. “For being the best mother. You are a mother to me even though I could never bring myself to call you that. You make my dad so happy, Carole, happier than I had seen him since my mom. You are the kindest, most loving, wonderful woman on the planet and I’m so glad that I got to spend the last ten years as your son. I, um,” his voice cracked as spoke, “I’m an atheist, you know that, but--uh--I know that if we do go somewhere after-- I know you went somewhere good. Because there’s no where else you could go.”

He carefully raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, much like Blaine had done at the airport. She still smelled faintly like her lotion and perfume and it felt like he had been punched in the chest. He still had his mother’s perfume bottle and cherished it, but he was going to have to add Carole’s bottle to his collection. It was only fitting.

 

-Three years later-

 

“Baby, have you seen the diaper cream?” Blaine called from the nursery. “That rash came back.”

“The open tube is in my bag, I’ll grab it. I took it with me to the store so I would get the right brand,” he replied as he finished buttoning up his vest. He retrieved the tube and went into the nursery. Blaine stood at the changing table, still in his pajamas, hair ungelled and sticking up every which way, glasses low on his nose. Kurt thought he’d never looked better.

Their daughter gurgled on the table as Kurt caressed her chubby cheek, her little feet kicking in the air. Kurt kissed Blaine’s cheek and gave his hip a light squeeze. “Go get ready, I’ll finish up here,” he said.

“You sure?” Blaine asked.

“Positive. Go on.” He gave him a kiss and unscrewed the cap of the tube of cream. Blaine went into their bedroom to get ready as he finished diapering their baby girl. “You’ve got a big day today, gorgeous. You’re meeting some really important people. Your cousin Chrissy, your Aunt Tina, Uncle Finn and Papa Burt.” He threw a burp cloth over his shoulder before picking her up and bouncing her a little, earning a giggle. He walked to the closet, opening it and survey his daughter’s vast wardrobe. “What do you want to wear today, hmm? The little green dress that Miss Santana gave you or the purple one Miss Isabelle got her friend Marc to make you? Let’s do the green one.”

He dressed her and put her little white socks on her feet so they wouldn’t get cold before going into the kitchen to prep a bottle for her. He could hear Blaine singing in the shower and smiled. Today was going to be a good day. He hummed along with his husband, kissing the baby’s forehead as he shook the bottle, mixing the formula.

As he was burping her after her bottle, Blaine came out from the bedroom, fully dressed and hair styled but still barefoot.

“How’s the munchkin?” he cooed wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist. 

“Good. Excited.”

“She’s four months old, Kurt. She’s barely aware of when we leave the room, let alone that people are coming to meet her.” Blaine poured them both a cup of coffee and prepared Kurt’s the way he knew he liked it. Kurt leaned close and gave Blaine another kiss. The baby chose that moment to belch loudly and they both had to laugh.

“You, little miss, have impeccable timing,” Blaine crooned, rubbing her back.

“She gets it from you,” Kurt said, loading the empty bottle into the sanitizer. “What time did they say they’d be here?”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

Blaine laughed, going to answer it. “Now.”

Kurt adjusted the baby’s dress, smoothing down the back and wiping some drool from her chin. “Well, Caroline Elizabeth Anderson-Hummel, are you ready to meet your family?”


End file.
